Thursday, October 4, 2007

INNER HOUSECLEANING

it's 1:00 a.m. here sa akong computer clock pero i'm still downloading all important software devices for my PC, right now im instaling HP Printer, next ani ang microsoft Office. Di pa ko matulog kai i feel so bad ang angry inside "i don't like sleeping with my heart aches". so i'd rather stay up late finish what am doing to cool down. just as im doing some computer restoration i will also do some inner restoration sa akong gibating kalagot. yesterday morning i felt so bad at my younger brother because he got mad when i woke him up. turno turno man gud mi ug gamit sa banyo siya dapat ang mas una nako maligo because his classes would start at 7:30 a.m but he got angry at me waking him up and demanding him to get fast. there are five of us here in the house and all of us will be moving out early in the morning to attend to our daily duties. schedules must be strictly and religiously followed. anyway, that early morning bad feelings were left in the house. i had a good time in my workplace. but later in the evening when i arrived home i got munch through with my younger brother again. He had the PC infected with viruses. I knew it was him, again watching porn materials in the net.i saw this familiar porn site url again in the address section. i got so mad at him that i had to utter the ugliest words i could blow just to release all anger inside of me. when i tried logging in to my YM for our online conference with my close friends who are now working in other places they have to tell me "what are you sending" " you are sending me a virus" "oh this is porn". Shocked of their reaction all i could do is to apologize "Huh! oh sorry this is my first time to encounter this kind of problem,i apologize. I think it's my younger brother again watching porn sites." And one of my friend told me " oh ikaw weng ha.. defensive.. maski siya gani na ni watch". i got crazy with that comment pero way nakoi mahimo. Then i have to send all my YM friends a message not to open the virus entry in their chat boxes. i also received the virus entry message. then bang!!!!........... before i could finish informing all friends the PC log off and could not anymore recover. and so i did a PC restoration. i was feeling so so so bad awhile ago and i was so mad at my brother labi na ni ingun akong neice nga he invited a classmate dire sa balay ganina and they were using the PC and they were having fun. nisamot pa gyud akong kasuko kai ni ingun pa gyud sya nga she saw my brother and his barkadas one time watching pornography in the net.lagot kaayo ko. may nalang gani gi textsan ko sa akong mga friends to calm down. our house has been an avenue for all of these ugly things?. this is too much. as in naglagot gyud ko. why man ko naglagot kaayo? nawala man gud tanan akong saved files (mao gyud kaha), kai wla ko ka apil sa conference with my friends (sure ka mao ni?), kapoi ug restore usik kaayo sa time (sakto ka kapoi jud) or basin unconsciously i am not only angry at my brother but sa akong self sab because i have had an inner struggle with internal house cleaning especially my thoughts" if my brother view pornography in the net and he was public about it and i myself have tried creating a compartment in my mind for sensual scenes will it make a difference?. perhaps i am angry of my ownself as well ............. right now calm nako ug mo retire nako. i have to talk to my brother nalang unya.
GOD BLESS US ALL!

4 comments:

batang buotan said...

huh! how sad! but while i write this comment i cant stop my giggles. so some of your friends then were suspecting that you visited porn sites. they are just kidding , i think because they know the real weng.

it is really bad to view such stuff? to some yes. to others, no big deal. but when viewing sexually explicit images "affect" you, thats an issue! if it affects your pc or compromise network security, thats bad. but if someone claim not to be sexually aroused while viewing and dont even get affected with, while exploring through every detail of the sexually explicit material, then, its not bad after all.

this is not funny thing but im laughing here.. hahahaah (my apologies)

girlfromdipolog said...

aw.. kaluoy ni brother.

"i myself have tried creating a compartment in my mind for a sensual scenes will it make a difference?."
nakakatawa ko ani weng. can we process this, some more? i dont know you so much of course pero if apil ko sa imong friends in YM right now, i would assume na-virusan imong pc. im sure your friends were just joking.

weng said...

yea sure what is it that you want to know about that statement? it's very clear i get trap sometimes of sexual thoughts and opening that closet in my mind is very pleasurable (unless im pinched by my conscience). adulterous act ..pero thats my superego dominating my character (moralistic ra kaayo). its very normal to think or feel some sexual tendencies however it become abnormal if one gets addicted into it. (if there is a compartment in my mind for that then perhaps im addicted also) this particular hidden activity which is only me and my GOD know (apil namo karon) is a particular weakness of mine and a struggle. and i am working on it up to this time, i am in the process of remediation because even if i have renewed myself and confess still it haunts me from time to time. (i dont like using a person as subject to my ugly thoughts)

please do ask questions if ......... ill answer it

weng said...

by the way maam wala nay virus dire naa kos office sa balay to ang virus.
naa nakoi kaluha gabi-i nga virus. pero i did a PC restoration gabi-i galing lang gi usab nasad sa akong igsoon kai ako man gibutangan ug password so to get away with that password he has to restore it early this morning and imagina lang wla siya ni eskwela kai mag restore lang sa PC (di nalang ko masuko kai not gonna spoil my day getting mad)