JEALOUSY

are you a jealous person?

Jealousy is about real or imagined fears--fear of abandonment, fear of loss of love, fear of being dishonored in the relationship, fear of being shamed in the community, unresolved issues from past relationships, lack issues, poor self esteem, cover or mask for things from the past that you haven't healed yet, vindictive or a desire for revenge that is misguided or misdirected toward someone else (Susie & Collins, n.d.)

Jealousy in a relationship

Jealousy flares up when one partner feels insecure or threatened either by a real or an imagined threat. It is oftentimes considered normal to feel a little bit of jealousy over something real. Jealousy in small doses is pretty normal as it results from your feeling of inadequacy when compared to someone or something better. For instance, you may have that feeling when a good-looking woman (or man) comes up to your partner. This situation may sometimes bring self-esteem issues to the fore. However, when you assume something more than what seems to be only a passing acquaintance, then you’re in danger of feeding your distrust and paranoia and may ultimately lead you to extreme fits of jealousy.

Another condition when a person becomes a prisoner of jealousy is when he/she has been deceived in a previous relationship and still harbors some feeling of distrust towards the opposite sex. You may recognize this person as a perfect candidate for jealousy when he/she becomes too interested in your activities to the point that he/she constantly checks-up on you, is always suspicious of friends and people you deal with on a regular basis, and sometimes, even goes through your personal stuff (Zagelsky, 2007).

Are you a jealous person? Dealing with the green eyed monster

In order to successfully keep the jealousy monster under control you have to search your feelings to try and find out the underlying cause of your jealousy. When your partner looks at another, do you feel that you’re going to lose him/her? Do you believe that he’s devoting too much time to another instead of you? When you ask yourself these questions, you will be able to determine the intensity of your jealousy and realize that if you’re behaving irrationally then the problem might lie with you.

Talking to your partner about your apprehensions may also help. You may set some rules on behavior at the onset of the relationship and commit to them. This will establish the foundation for trust between the two of you. If at any time, one of you makes a mistake, keep the communication lines open, keep an open mind and discuss the situation. Trust will develop and flourish as the relationship grows.

You also have to learn to control your emotions and confront your fears and suspicions in a rational manner. Remember that jealousy can affect everyone. You have to value the effort you and your partner have both put into your relationship. There may be a chance that your assumptions may be baseless. You wouldn’t want to ruin a good relationship if you let your jealousy control you.