BITS OF JOKES I HEARD OVER A RADIO STATION

AMO: Inday, ano ginawa mo sa microwave natin at sumabog?

INDAY: Success is often the result of taking misstep in the right direction. Show me a person who has never made a mistake and I'll show you somebody who has never achieved much.

AMO: Impostora! Lumayas ka dito!

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Amo: Inday, bakit nagkalat ang basura sa likod ng bahay?!
Inday: A change in the weather patterns might have occurred wrecking havoc to the surroundings. The way the debris are scattered indicates that the gust of wind was going northeast causing damage to the path it was heading for.
Amo: (nosebleed)
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AMO: Inday, dba nanood ka ng The Buzz kanina?
INDAY: Opo. Bakit Maam?
AMO: Bakit daw umalis si Angel Locsin sa GMA?
INDAY: Sometimes people choose to leave not because of selfish reasons but because they know that things will get complicated if they'll stay. Leaving can be a tough act, and it's harder when people don't understand you for doing so.
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AMO: Inday, bakit mo binenta yung sira na silya?
INDAY: I have computed the chair's value less cost to sell, and the value in use using projections for 5 years and a pretax discount rate. Accordingly, the value in use is lower, so I decided to sell the chair. This is an accordance with PAS18 on revenue, PAS16 on PPE, and PAS36 on Impairment of Assets.
AMO: *fainted*
Si Inday talaga, accountant din pala!
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INDAY: Physical and excessive work may result to serious damage to ones body. It is therefore essential that once in a while we take a break from our usual routine to replenish the lost energy we once had.
*Sabi ni Inday sa Amo nya nung humingi sya ng day off* Haha!
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AMO: Inday, bumili ka nga ng isda. Ay oo nga pala, inglesera ka ngayon. Would you please buy me many fishes for this week's meal?
INDAY: Judging by your statement, I believe you meant a variety of fish. The term "fishes" although rarely used, connotes a plethora of different kinds of said aquatic creatures. But the more pressing questions before I go to the wet market would be: What type of fish? Fillet or not? Frozen or fresh? [pauses] Ahh…The meager budget of this household's quasi-peasant class taste, I shall source the staple "ga-lewng-gowng", am I correct?
AMO: LECHE
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Sa Resto:

Waiter : Ano po order nila maam?

Amo: Ung fried chicken meal na lang. Ikaw inday,ano sayo?

Inday: I would like to partake of a dish of sautéed pork and chicken,boiled in thick essence of soy and cane extracts,with copious amount of garlic, onion and laurel,sprinkled generously with fine spices and served with generous helping of root crop and a helping of rice.

Amo: Iho, paorder daw ng adobo with rice

Sir : Inday, wala ma’m mo dun tayo sa kwarto..
Inday :What..?! are you nuts…?! For your information sir, I intend to reserve my virginity for the person I truly love! If you think Im easy to get cheap slut, we’ll you’re barking at the wrong tree! And will you please act like a professional because youre sooo Eeeewww…If I hear any filthy words coming from your mouth, I will not hesitate to take legal action!
Sir:Leche…Maarte ka…!!!
Inday: Joke lang…Sir naman.. Tara na sa taas..